December 8, 1980

I was watching a film on a psychopath who killed an icon, John Lennon.

The first thing you want to know is all that stuff about my dad, and what he did to my mum and me... the whole goddamn childhood. But I'm not gonna tell you any of that stuff. That stuff isn't important... not anymore. - one of the first lines of Mark Chapman, the man who was 25 at the time, who killed Lennon

I love reading or watching shows on psychopaths n criminals n murderers n schizophrenics. Cos at the end of it all, you feel such a great deal of understanding for why they are like that, why they killed that guy or why he has a compulsive behaviour. And it always starts with problems they had since young [which is why I say proper child development is v. impt]. And it's not like special problems just because they commit crimes. It's common problems, like the ones you and I have/had.

It makes you think and when you put yourself in their shoes, you'd sometimes go

I would have done the same thing.

As for Mark Chapman, his b/g in a summary goes like this

Unhappy childhood 

+ 

Violent parents 

+ 

NO friends 

+

was picked on all the time

+ 

kids called him "pussy" 

+ 

No one to Love/who Loves him

+

No one who really cared to 

sit and listen to him

Who wouldn't go cuckoo.

And when you have all of the above factors, you realize that you intensively talk to yourself cos nobody cares abt you so the only friend you have is yourself and the Little People in your head. And you start making things up, which you believe in. Eventually you don't know what you're doing in this world cos hell no one cares about your existence, and you start hearing voices in your head asking you to do things. Somehow you follow what the voices tell you to do. You get caught up in all the confusion you don't even know what's happening anymore. Next thing you know, John Lennon is bleeding to death at your feet, fans are wailing, officers are cursing, everyone's looking at you, and in your hand is a revolver.