Something new

Somebody got an early birthday present (which is actually not anytime soon - March). 

Mirzan's "mama" and "papa" appeared at the door with a package in hand.

Inline skates! 

This boy got his pair before I got mine pfft. 

But I have to say, he's a fast-learner. It was like baby taking his first steps again.

He could move on his own in less than half-hour. Way to go baby!

He's such an active boy I guess it's good to have something new and challenging for him to pick up on and channel all that energy towards. He loves it so much I think he'll wear it to sleep.

Wee new skates!

Putting it on.

"Mama" helping him gain balance.

Tired, but happy :)

Baby likes to Move It

Mirzan dancing to Madagascar's theme song, with a bit of big brother talking.

Cannot say "lah" or "yah"!

What Mirzan is teaching me. 

"Eh you say lah! Miss Wong say cannot say lah!"

Today in 2 hours alone when conversing with him he caught me saying it at least 20 to 30 times. As much as I tried to stop myself, I found myself saying it sub-consciously. "Eh you say lah, again!"

I want to do it cos I do want him to practice the language properly besides our everyday 'lahs'  'lors' 'orhs' and 'yahs' since he's already on the right track.

"Next time you must think first.. use your brain and think. Promise you don't say lah or yah again?" holding out his cute pinkie.

I took his pinkie in mine in a swift and said "Yalah, yalah".

"YOU SAY YALAH AGAIN!!"  

Oops!

Magic pinch

It's that special pinch. That sends millions of watts of jolt into the mind and soul, instantly giving the 'wake up' we need. It occurs once in a blue moon. And when it does, it makes the body cringe in fear of scary possibilities. It makes the brain rethink and create new paths. The body screams "Revamp revamp!"

The time to enjoy is now. Less time for stressing over problems. Less time for self-pity. Less time for wandering. Less time for complaining. Execution has to begin now. Make the best out of things now. Appreciation and gratitude.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

If you want to hug your cat, hug it. If you need to apologize to your friend, apologize. Life is too short for waiting. Life is too short for lingering. Because you might not be able to do it tomorrow. Or the minute after that. The divine being up there can cut the breath out of us in a split second or faster. 

Time and tide waits for no man. (Ruz's fav. quote teehee, not sure if it still is) 

When I was little, mum kissed me goodnight every night and I asked her why. She said, in case she doesn't see me the next day. I guess at least I go to sleep knowing mum loves me. I kind of miss her strawberry kisses now but nothing I can do about it. So I spread it on. I'm kind of awkward in showing love to dad and Mat. But Mirzan and the lloved one. Like Mirzan, when I first see him in the day I hug him tight and kiss him on the cheek. Then after that I keep wanting to hug him. He'll probably get sick of it one day haha, but I don't care. 

Live life with no regrets. The time to act is now!

Imagine

Smiles! 

Dedicated to a certain baby monster whom I love, Mirzan.

With photos taken by another lloved one, Mohd Faiz.

I hope Mirzan never loses his magic of imagination growing up. Cos he inspires people like that. People like his big sister. And sometimes it's funny watching him amuse himself with his own make believe stories and watch him laugh at it, and having fun with it. You just can't help but smile.  

Scientist studies

Today I want to write about Mirzan, again, cos he's such a little Ronald McDonald. I enjoy writing about him. 

People always say, you never know what goes through the mind of another. 

I saw Mirzan grow up from when he was a tiny almost premature-like baby to a full-grown 5-year-old. You'd think you know all about someone if you've watched him from the day he was born. I thought I did, but turn out, I may be wrong. 

Lately he gets mad easily. Like when he's enjoying playing PSP and a baby crawls over and innocently lays a finger on his precious device, he raises his arms high as if gonna hit the kid, and screams in a high-pitch tone "I said DON'T DISTURBBBB!!!!!" Then his face crumples up, with pursed lips, he goes "Ngrrrrrrr!!!"

While walking back with him one day, after he's had one of his baby angst moments, he explained to me. 

"sometimes.. sometimes, my think (pointing to his head) make me like bad guy. then i like want to hit the orang.."

- my think = the way I think

- orang = person

I was surprised at first. I mean, he's able to understand something I probably didn't understand at his age. I said to him 

"You're actually a good boy, baby." 

he said

"sometimes.. sometimes i good boy.. sometimes i naughty. sometimes my think make me like bad guy.. then i angry, then my hands like this" 

he shows me his clenched fist.

He understands the effect his um, brain has on him? He knows the source of his emotion and what it does to him, but he doesn't know how to help it. And it's beautiful sometimes when you hear it from the mouth of a child, the major discoveries he makes on his own. Now, we have to do something about that baby angst.

Thoughts of an older sister

I'm not the greatest of older sisters. But I love this boy to death, I'll do anything for him. He's my reality and fantasy, and I know anytime I need to escape he'll be there with me. 

He's my dream. Whatever I couldn't really do as a kid, I let him. When I was little, I never really knew how to express thoughts or ideas. So now I have this bundle of hope with me, I let him be who he wants to be. I'm not ashamed if he screams really loud in delight in a crowd of silence. I let him roam free, be whoever he wants to be. I don't want him growing up thinking like oh, he can't say or do something because people will think like this. 

That's who I was and I grew up my entire childhood lying my way. I was afraid of facing honesty. Lying was my main way out. The feeling wasn't good at all but I didn't understand.

But he isn't selfish, mostly anwyay. I'm happy about that. As an older sister earning abit of moolah once in a while, I and the family sometimes like to buy surprises (e.g. sweets, books) for Baby. That's what my father used to do, buy me surprises. So I think some of it rubbed off on him. He likes to buy sweets for his friends, or if I buy him sparklers he wants to share it with the neighbour. If he's having something nice and I ask may I have some, he readily says yes. If not, I'll call him selfish! 

However, being an 'adult' surrounded in a house of adults, I sometimes forget he's only a child, a 5-year-old. Whom at this stage requires all the attention and support. So sometimes I shun him away because besides work, sometimes I feel like I need my own 'me' time. 

So he waited for me. It was kind of annoying at first cos he kept knocking on the door, and asking me to come out. But he kept on waiting. Till he fell asleep outside my door.

:(

I have to keep reminding myself, he's not an adult. He's a child. A lonely child surrounded by a house-ful of adults. It's okay to give in to him, because he needs the attention. I can have my 'me' time later when he's gone to sleep.

From now on I'll be there for him anytime he needs me cos if I don't, next time I look at him he might be a grown 15-year-old who doesn't need his older sister's attention anymore. 

Of camera, Jon & CJ7

And sometimes there are bigger things than ourselves to attend to. 

When I talk to Jon, it's usually an imaginative journey into Disneyland, which I love. I like asking about his day, seeing what he'll say. I like talking to him or showing him funny things that we both can laugh about. I like watching him observe something so intensely. Oh, children can be so inspiring. 

I would also like to talk about my Canon Powershot A430. I don't think it's been in my possession for very long but it's been weird lately. Are there such things as cameras that gives auto Photoshop effects when you snap? I can't seem to take a proper picture unless I switch on the flash. Queer...

[The ISO was set to 100-200 cos it was broad daylight, but it gave this] Jon & I on a "treasure hunt" outdoors.

[And there's always the funny lines across the screen] Jon armed with fire.

[This is the best effect! That's how it came out and I'm so damn confused. I thought it came out nice anyway] 

Named Baby & Mama by Jon.

Tasty slime by the Indons of the house.

Taken by Jon. It's a freaky doll. If you drop it it laughs its head off.

CJ7: "Am I dreaming....?"

Jon & CJ forever.

Truth in waiting

Sometimes I'm afraid I might one day forget what she sounded like, how she smiled, how she laughed, how she spoke, how she scolded us when she got back frm work, how she used to blow her nose like a trumpet every morn, the places she brought us to during spare time, the words she said... 

People say I look like her but I don't see that at all. She was fair with a radiant glow which went well with her good-nature, that attracted me to her.

"No man or woman can be too powerful or too beautiful without disaster befalling." [King Phillip to young Alexander, Alexander the movie]

or "Nothing is (or can be) perfect."

or maybe even "Good things never last."

Life needs the ups and downs. Seems that's how it maintains its balance. 

8 years gone, and she seems like another passing dream. Like I never met her, but the evidence is clear before my eyes when I look back at photographs. Everytime I have a memory of her, I plan to write it down.

"... our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds" [DCFC What Sarah Said]

What Sarah said. 

Love is watching someone die.

Death Cab For Cutie - What Sarah Said

Where were our PSPs at 5?

The story of a modern day 5-year-old who thinks it's absolutely normal to have every tech thing in the world at his age. He cares and he shares, but not when it comes to his tech things!

Hi, my name is Mimi. Recently Mama bought me a PSP. I'm very happy.

Boy: Hey ho what are you playing.

Mimi: A game, duh.

Boy: Let me see. I wanna play too.

Mimi: Bug off dizzle, you're in my wizzle.

Mimi: Pfffftttttttttt!!!

Dion & Streisand

I remember my mum was next to me when I first saw the MV for Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand's Tell Him. 

I loved it when I first heard it. It was so powerful for me, when these 2 women joined voices. All that passion when they sang, and somehow it still sounded like a sad song. I still listen to it so I keep it in my mp3 player. It just brings this uplifting feeling when I hear it. And I'm brought back to the 90s, sitting in the Bishan living room with mum beside me as we enjoyed the company of these women on one of those nice afternoons. 

Celine Dion & Barbara Streisand - Tell Him

I think i sinned

Is it bad when you suddenly talk to your baby brother as if he's an adult and expect him to understand like an adult, and when he didn't and threw a tantrum you're caught off guard cos he's just five and you forgot it and you go all road rage and start babbling things you're not even aware of. I think it is bad. Damn i have to stop all this expecting. Expectations expectations. Don't do that, you limit people you hurt people. When will i ever learn.

Biore pore pack is best. If you got uber zealous blackheads studding your face and you want to get rid of them get a pore pack! 10 mins and zoot, its the best feeling when you remove it! You get a clean face with holes. 

Baby moments

I miss Mirzan. Last Friday he left for his motherland with his mother. And won't be back till 14th June. But no regrets, at least during the last few days I spent all my waking moments with him. Playing Spongebob on his gameboy (yes we completed all the levels!), we read books (yay education!), and watched Animal Planet. 

Watching Animal Planet is one of the best things to do with children I think, no matter what show. Cos you guys get to learn about the life of another life-form together. So it gets fascinating. 

Oh well, at least now I can clean my room in peace. I miss watching him break into a smile or comforting him when he cries. Here're some of the baby moments.

BABY MOMENTS

BABY MOMENTS 2

 Baby with pinoy Papa @ Raya

 Baby cry

 Baby and friends shampoo session @ Raya

 Lion baby

 Baby go to nursery

 Lion baby 2

"kakak wake up, petang ready." [petang - afternoon]

opens curtains. 

"see? the sun come out ready, it's a sunny day!"

"kakak, my friend don't know my name. he call me... Mizon."

watching a pig cartoon on kids central i say

"eh mirzan look, babi."

"BIBIK, KAKAK CAKAP BABI!" [cakap - said]

"kakak see? I wear Ben 10 panties."

"Bibik! Ijan ganti nama, Ijan sekarang Abang."

[Bibik! Ijan changed name, now Ijan is Big Brother.]

When bibik scolds him, he usually cries. 

This time, he didn't.

He smiled, "just now bibik scold me I never cry." 

"How come?"

"i Abang ready what."

while coming back from ngaji [religious class].

"shahira, bila kita besar tak boleh kawan gini lagi tau" 

[shahira, when we're big, we can't be friends like this anymore you know]

shahira asks, "kenape?" [why]

"pasal, nanti kita dah tak handsome." [because, i won't be handsome anymore]

Just when I thought he couldn't get any bigger, I realised he's growing up really fast. 

Oh babyyy, I missshhh youssss.

Ketawa

The last few days have been going swell.

On Sunday, the MNM (mat, nat, mir) siblings went kite-flying! Really good cos I've never seen my brother behave like a child in the longest time. He was running everywhere with the kite hoping to keep it up. And I don't think Mijon has seen my bro act like that as well, so he was extra happy and we all just ran together. With very little wind,and not very experienced kite-flyers, we were pretty impressed by how high it got.

On Monday, I shopped for Mat's birthday present. I couldn't find anything proper so I just bought that flexi-hand neck massager from Action City. Then I dropped by school to see the boyfriend [:)].

On Tuesday, Happy 24th Birthday Mahathir! The lunch with Varian - super. A good 2-hour chat in the afternoon. I went to vista to try and edit this outside project we did, but all I could do was slice the clips up. Then we dropped by studio and saw everyone. Crazy studio IG is now 16 ppl bigger! Haha good luck you guys! Advantage is there's loads more hands, that's for sure. 

Finally, a dinner at Sakura for Mat's birthday where Mijon believed the fish dish to be a 'shark', and we dared him to eat the fish's eye. He said okay! And just when it was about to enter his mouth, it slipped off the spoon. haha nonsense.

Today is Wednesday! :D 

I want.. mummy

Clown

According to Cambridge Dictionaries,

priority - something that is very important and must be dealt with before other things

and

balance - to give several things equal amounts of importance, time or money so that a situation is successful

In a matter of 24 hours, i made different groups of people upset due to priority. or my failure to prioritise. 

1. colleague

we had a party at a colleague's house last night. due to some circumstances, i left the party early. i did feel guilty. cos it was the last time we'll see some of the crew. but i wanted to go meet him as well. the next day, a friend said

"... eh yesterday some of them mad at you. asked how come you suddenly leave. some of them looking for you..."

2. mr f

i cancelled out on an outing with him at the very last minute today cos i felt bad about leaving the party early the previous night. so i decided to spend today with my colleagues. but i feel awful at the same time for canceling out on him so late.

3. mirzan

i thought i would reach home by 7pm so i called mirzan to tell him. he looked forward to me coming home by 7. but alas, i got back at 9pm. he was still happy to see me. and said, "i want to play hide and seek. you know how to play hide and seek?" "no i don't. later teach me okay." i went in to change, answered a few sms-es. he shouted outside my room "kakak, faster!" i was still sms-ing. i came back out, and found him soundly asleep in his bed :( 

my bibik looked at me and said, "he so poor thing. he went back and forth, back and forth waiting for you but you didn't come out." 

my heart sank. i feel like the lousiest sister :(:(

4. dad

this occurred many times before but i've always been lacklustre about it. everytime i keep my phone in my bag when i go out. so if anyone calls i don't know cos it's on vibration mode. when i open my phone, there's always tons of missed calls by my dad. today when i almost reached home i had 3 missed calls by him.

dad "where r u?"

nat "admiralty mrt"

dad "ok, bibik waiting for u at home since 7pm"

nat "i had some packing to do. i just said 7pm in case i went back early"

dad "i call u always didn't answer. next time if i m dieing i will have difficulty to let u know"

i remembered not being able to concentrate on a single thing the entire day today. if it wasn't one, it was the other. 

lessons:

- to keep promises

- to never be last minute about informing

- to always keep phone with me

- to be smarter at prioritising

- to spend more time with mirzan and family after internship

- to remember lessons learned

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." - Albert Einstein

Mi goes Nga

And he's off at 8 am for his first ngaji lesson! He goes with his classmate, a cute girl called Shahirah. And he came back being able to read a lot of the alif ba ta.

While making a make-believe convo between him and someone using his fingers,

M -  Hi, I like Shahirah, I want to kiss her.