"Be a hero, kill your ego"
Just something to share. In recent weeks, I've been thinking a lot more. This extra voice in the head. It used to be so excessive I simply couldn't control it at all. Now it's back but more controllable. I can tell it to shut up once in a while.
It's not a completely bad thing, this voice, and neither is it completely good. The thing about my sensitivity is that the slightest things make me think throughout the day and even into my sleep. From the slightest things to biggest things worry me. Whether it's about my dad, my baby brother, my best friend, my boyfriend, my ex-, my sec sch friends, my ex-facis, my sec sch best friend, my kindergarten friends, my future, etc.
It's tiring but it can't stop.
I'd wake up with headaches and a thousand images flashing in my head at an instant (eh, is that why my headaches often?). But good thing about all the thinking is, it helps me improve myself if I think I haven't been acting fairly to people. I rewind and replay several times before deciding to change. Change is constant, and so is learning.
But lately. All these thoughts flooding my head. Some so redundant, some just replaying. It's become so used to thinking it's starting to generate on its own. So much so that I'm oblivious of where I'm physically standing, who I'm physically sitting next to, what my ears are realistically hearing, and what my hands are physically touching. Because I'm so caught up in thoughts.
Frequently I tell myself, stop it! You have to concentrate on the NOW.
The more my mind went to the past and the future, I realised I became more expectant of people and situations, more arrogant, more selfish, more hot-headed, more judgmental.
I would get mad at myself because of these things and not really understand why. It wasn't easy but it took me weeks to understand a little better.
I've told this to myself many many times before but didn't completely adopt it - Hindsight is often a blessing.
So I said - Concentrate on the now, don't expect too much of the future. Cos if you do, you will not see the Value of yourself/people/things/situations/etc. Be aware of your surroundings - sight, sound, smell, touch, taste. Appreciate the people around you, appreciate the things you currently have, appreciate reality. Take things in as they come.
So I'm a fan of subtitles no more (unless it's a foreign flick).
"Love is the only rational act" - Levine
That's what I'll do. Learn to love everyone/thing. At the end of the day when you have problems, it comes down to a bit of loving and it's all okay.
[for quick read, 'ctrl F' the words "ego" and "now"]
